Wow, another year has flown by! It’s hard to believe it’s already 2014.
2013 was a crazy mess of a year, and I’m so glad to be starting fresh. Back to dieting hard, working out everyday, and taking care of myself physically and emotionally. For whatever reason, 2013 just really took a toll on me- too many things going on that just drained me emotionally and in turn, I binge drank all semester and made horrible life decisions (no surprise there).
I’m determined to make a change starting now. No more drinking until I black out. No more sleeping with people who don’t mean a thing to me. No more eating unhealthy foods and in turn hating my body. I’m going to try to write my feelings more rather than keep them bottled up until I can’t take it. I’m going to try to be happy with myself. I’m going to study more and get ready to take my educator certification tests. Two semesters of class and one semester of student teaching to get through before I graduate and head off to Europe. I just need to make it seventeen more months. There’s finally a light at the end of the tunnel.
Not that I don’t enjoy being at university or partying with my friends, I do.
This semester just made me realize I’m trying to fill a void in my life with endless bottles of alcohol, and nameless guys I have no desire to get to know or even talk to. My original resolution for 2014 was to be a “bad bitch”- to not care anymore, to do whatever I want without feelings or thoughts afterwards. But really, isn’t that what I was doing all this past year? Doing whatever my drunk self thought was okay, and then dealing with the aftermath the next day? Hurting countless people, and myself in the process. I wasn’t a good person this past year. Not in the slightest.
But I’m really going to try to change that. Maybe I shouldn’t drink. Maybe I shouldn’t go out. Maybe I should take a break from having sex. I need to learn how to be okay by myself and not turn to alcohol before I can be a functional adult. This is just the first step.
2014 is going to bring good things, I just have to work hard to ensure I don’t get stuck in this slump again.